You’ve been talking with someone for a while, perhaps you’ve gone out for a couple of times. Then, suddenly, they cease all communication , with no reason at all. Ghosting can be a traumatic experience and can be difficult to determine how you should respond to being ghosted, or how to respond in any way. It’s ultimately up to you to make a decision according to your own personal style of communication and what you are most at ease doing. Here are some basic things to bear in your head:
Think about sending a warm check-in
The best way to proceed is determined by how long you’ve been in a relationship or just communicating with each other. If you’ve only talked at least once or just been in contact for a long time without actually meeting up, you might just decide to view the absence of a response as an act of defiance in the event. If things seem more intense or emotional–or when it just isn’t normal for them to cut off all communication, it might be a good idea to contact them to check in.
If you are unable to receive a response, or you don’t wish to send a message to follow-up, concentrate on moving forward
If they don’t reply to your text message requesting check-in It’s tempting to call them with them again. Even if you weren’t trying to contact them initially It’s easy to feel upset and dwell on the events that transpired. Don’t get caught up in the details however: It’ll be better for you over the long term If you just let the incident go and concentrate on moving forward. If someone is unprofessional and insecure enough to make a ghost of them the other person, it’s reflection of the person, not you.
Try to see things positively.
If someone isn’t respectful of your time and emotions enough to provide you with closure, they were not the right fit for you. Instead of trying to find out the reasons behind why they did this, you need to accept what they did. They did not make contact with you. They simply turned away. You should ask yourself whether this is the way you like to treat. It is likely that it isn’t.
Take care your mental health.
Make whatever is right for you to stop worrying about the ghost You can unfollow or block them on social media and remove their contact number if you need to. Speak to a trusted person, or an online counsellor or write in a journal, or channel your attention on something that is truly fulfilling for your soul. When you invest your time and energy in yourself and those things that give you joy and happiness, you’ll be able get rid of them quickly and put them in the past.
It’s also acceptable if you’d like to call your ghoster
There are many who will not be happy to just let ghosters go. If you’d like to say that they’ve done something rude and hurtful, that’s an acceptable response, as well. However, experts warn that it might not provide any real closure or feelings of happiness. There is no set of rules on whether it is advisable to make contact or not. However, you shouldn’t make contact with the hope that it will help you feel better.
With that in mind it is important to craft an easy, concise message that communicates your thoughts. (But ensure that you’re not in the process of ghosting before you send it. It’s best to only send this kind of message if they’ve completely ignored the follow-up.) Be aware that this message is about you being your thoughts, not trying to find out what’s going on in the mind of the other person. The feeling of needing explanations or apologies is only going to hinder your ability to progress.
Even if you’re (rightfully!) unhappy, don’t make yourself appear rude or critical in your messages. One option to prevent this from happening is making use of “I” statements rather than “you” statements–so, rather than saying “You cut off communication with me, which was a disrespectful thing to do,” you can say, “I feel blindsided and disappointed by the way that you abruptly stopped communicating with me. I can understand if it was not a good fit however, I wish you’d listened to me long enough to let me know that in writing.”
Be aware that this is about them, not about you.
As ghosting is a sign of inadequate communication abilities, there’s a possibility that they won’t respond to this request or respond in a manner that seems like a snarky or insincere response. This is, in fact, an expression on them and not of you. Naturally, the person who made it could surprise you and offer an honest apology or not, but regardless after you’ve spoken your thoughts, try to take the time to think about the issue and proceed with your life.
Don’t be too critical of yourself. Although it’s okay to be disappointed and resentful, and you must allow yourself to feel these feelings, being a victim of a ghost doesn’t mean you’re not worthy or that something is wrong with your character. Ghosts happen and it’s not the fault of anyone should you be unfortunate enough to encounter someone who has done it. The best method to handle ghosts is to get them out of your life. There’s a reason why no person wants to live in a haunted place and you shouldn’t be in one unintentionally!
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